Resiliency

The subject of resiliency has been on my mind lately.  I am searching for a serious and uncompromising way to encourage this trait, to instill this virtue, even, in my children.  I want them to be able to be knocked down and get themselves back up, again and again.  This is incredibly important to me.  Whether it's on the playground, a challenging educational project, an athletic attempt, or a career setback, I want them to be able to take the hit and bounce back.  It seems to me that this type of toughness is no longer valued in our society.  It's no longer taught, it's no longer praised, it's no longer even needed in so many ways.  Got a D on that term paper?  That's ok, writing is just not your thing, or that teacher just doesn't get you.  You suck at batting? You can quit baseball, it's ok.  You got a role in the play but you're scared of performing in front of people when it really comes down to it?  No problem, you can do the set painting instead.

That is not ok with me.  We all have to do things we don't want to do in life.  We have to do them all the time!  We also get the raw end of the deal sometimes, and not always justly.  We have to recognize it for what it is and move on, let it go.  The holy fathers talk about humility, ceaselessly, it seems to me.  I think that is the kind of resiliency I am trying to get at.  To let it go, to not care if you shirt is wet and your shoes got stomped on and to keep heading toward your goal requires a real, sincere humility of soul.  I believe that kind of humility IS toughness.  

I am a huge fan of the Laura Ingalls Wilder books.  I think they speak to this kind of toughness, this resiliency in the face of adversity continually.  It made an enormous impression on me, as a child, to read about someone being punished for something they did not do, and being told by their parents not to complain or say anything about it.  To see their parents losing their entire home due to circumstances beyond their control, and just calmly accepting it and moving on.  Nowadays there would be lawsuits!  My side must be heard!  Parents go to the coach, the teacher, the principal and complain on behalf of their child.  I am sure there is a time and a place for this.  But think what an example we can provide for our children if instead of that, we continually model for them understanding and at the same time the strength to let go of wrongs done us.  We preach the gospel of turn the other cheek, in a real, meaningful way and model it. We let them see us take a hit, get back up, and keep on running without spending any time complaining about the guy who hit us, or even trying to justify our original action.  Life happens.  We have to have the humility to roll with it, and that's the kind of strength I desperately want to see develop in my children.  It has never been a natural skill, virtue, strength of mine.  Whatever resiliency I have is something that I have struggled against my natural inclinations to acquire. I think it was definitely one of the values of my family of origin, although not, perhaps, with particular stress on humility.  I noticed and valued it in the historical and fictional characters in the many books I read growing up, and it is a trait I admired in other people.  Encouraging this virtue in my children, while always affirming their self-worth, is what I am learning to do, instance by instance.

What values are you trying to instill in your children?  How are you addressing those values that go against our current mainstream culture?  I am very curious to know, and learn the ways that other parents are working to help their children grow into confident, capable, internally strong adults.

New baby cousin~the wood duckling :-)