In a Funk

I've been in a bit of a funk this past week.  The house is much more cluttery than I like it, and it's weighing me down, but I do not have the desire to clean it up.  Usually once I start tidying, cleaning, washing, my mood improves.  Right now, however, I can't seem to make myself do that.  As soon as I start straightening up one area, the kids are either clinging to me like needy little leeches (even if they were playing happily the moment before) or they move to a room just out of my sight and silently get into everything they can get their hands on, as well as a lot of things I thought they couldn't.  I know I need to eat but I don't feel like cooking at all.  Somehow I've managed to pull it together for breakfasts and dinners.  But if anyone gets hungry in the middle of the day, they're out of luck.  I feel spiritually cold too.  Prayer seems burdensome, as if there were so many other things I would rather be doing.  Such as spending a useless, unfocused hour on the internet, after which I feel like I've wasted my time.  Even nursing, which I love, is a chore at the moment.  The other night, I cried when Chickadee woke up the first time and I knew my night of regular nursing was about to start.


I am not sure what brought this on. I am sad that I haven't seen my little nephew yet.  Maybe I am wanting another little babe in my own arms.  But I'm not sure it's that.  I found out yesterday that one of my dearest friends had a recurrence of brain cancer, and has a very short time to live.  I cried last night.  And prayed, trying to power through the spiritual barrier I'm feeling.  But that phone call didn't bring this funk on.  And it is definitely not depression, in the clinical sense of the word. I think it is about identity.  My role in life right now as a wife, while my husband is the one at work everyday, with an active life outside our home. He is different.  Wonderfully different. But before I was the one with the career, the one who made big decisions, the one who dealt with things. This role, that I prayed for so fervently, is still so new.  And I think it is also my human fear of the present, my unwillingness to give in to living in the moment.  To accept that this moment, this now, is the only time I have to be with God in my heart, as Fr. Meletios so beautiful elucidates in one of my favorite books.  I think I have an inability to accept God as my boss, to think that He is the one I want to please, to not have an earthly "goal" to achieve.  You know, one of those Specific, Actionable, Realistic and Timebound goals that we're trained to set for ourselves, or accept from our bosses.  I know what to do with those.  LIke a dog with a bone, I can set about busily digging a hole and burying my wealth.  Salvation?  That's a goal that I can't "achieve".  It isn't "realistic". It's specific all right.  And timebound too, only I am not privy to that timeline.  And that goal can only be achieved by Grace.  Why am I so reluctant to accept that Grace?  Why do we say to God "no thanks, I like to do things myself?"  I wish I knew.  Right now, I am going to make my "goal" to trust that the funk, the laziness, the spiritual coldness, those are all just emotions, and not actually anything really in between me and God.  That I can just be here, offer my abilities to God and let him put action into them wherever he will.


In the spirit of blogging honesty, I post this  :-)

New Baby Nephew!!!

I have a brand new, precious, darling, adorable little baby nephew!!

Isn't he amazing? Yes, he is!  I can not wait to meet him.  My brother and my amazing sister-in-law are going to be wonderful parents.  I'm so excited.  This is the first baby in my family, besides my own two pumpkins, and the first cousin on this side of the country.

I can't wait to give my sister-in-law a huge hug, she did so good bringing this little boy into the world. My brother is the Uncle G referred to in the previous post.  He is quite the hero to Bluejay, because for one thing, he catches salmon, and for another, he now has a riding lawn mower.  In fact, when I told Bluejay about his new little cousin, the first thing he said was, "He mows!"  Of course he does, with Uncle G as his dad.  Chickadee kisses his picture and says "Beebee!"

I'll have to come up with a good screen name for this little guy, hopefully he'll be appearing here often.

Greetings and Prayers

Bluejay loves the Christ is risen greeting.  He also loves the Paschal troparion.  Last year, although he was barely talking yet, he insisted we sing it before every meal LONG after we had taken leave of the Paschal period and entered into Pentecost.  I suspect this year will be the same, now that he knows it in its entirety and is often found singing it while going down for a nap.  And he continually greets us with "Christ is risen!" throughout the day.  He is a natural at being in the spirit of the feast at all times.  

As I was sneaking a few moments to shower today, he popped his head into the bathroom to say "Christ is risen, Mom".  The other day, when he was in his room at my command after having hit his sister one too many times, he opened the door to tell me, 

      "I will not do it again, Mom."  

      "I know," I said, "but you said that last time. You still need to stay in your room."

      "Ok," he replied, and shut the door again.  A moment later the door popped open again and he said,

      "Christ is risen, Mom."  Thank goodness I was in the kitchen comforting Chickadee.

      "Indeed He is risen," I said, "but you still need to stay in your room."

This boy was thrilled to drive Uncle G's new riding mower, with his daddy.

As this Sunday is the leave taking of Pascha, one more time:

Christ is risen from the dead

Trampling down death by death

And upon those in the tombs

Bestowing life

INDEED HE IS RISEN

Pretty Happy Funny Real ~ the backyard edition

~ Capturing the context of contentment in everyday life ~ with Like Mother Like Daughter

{Pretty}

I found swimsuits for the little ones at Marshalls, which have lots of skin coverage for the sun AND these two sure do look adorable in them!  I didn't get great pictures but babies in the backyard itty bitty kiddy pool are one of my favorite things.

Bluejay is not wearing his octopus swim trunks because they were missing come swim time.  He is very interested in selecting his own clothes right now, which means he has several wardrobe changes each day and often decides to wear his swim trunks or top to coordinate with other items of clothing (like winter mittens, for example).

{Happy}

Chickadee has developed a very serious interest in books!  There are a few she particularly likes, and always picks out when it's book reading time, and wants to hear them read over and over and over and over and over (and over and over a few more times) again.  My Animal Friend is one of her current favorites.  As soon as you finish it, you have to start again at the beginning.  All of these Gyo Fujikawa books are from the collection of children's books my mom saved.  Did anyone else grow up with his books?  We have so many, and they are wonderful.  But I don't think I've ever seen them anywhere else.

{Funny}

I found this in my camera when I was downloading pictures for this post.  It is one of husband's favorite jokes.  And yes, it is still funny.  Almost as funny as posting it here, mwaaa ha ha ha!!!

Isn't he cute, though??

And since he is funny, here are some more... he got in the pool to distract Chickadee from the terrible, horribleness of having a swimsuit inflicted upon her.

I told you it was an itty bitty pool!

More often, though, this is what we see when we look at Daddy:

And in this case, the picture was taken by his budding photographer son:

{Real}

Not long ago, we slept every evening to the sound of several romantic frogs, singing gaily to potential mates, all night long.  No closed doors or double-paned windows could muffle their romance.  And clearly, all that frog noise was successful, because now there are hundreds and hundreds of very large tadpoles in our pond.  And this is a good thing, because frogs are needed, I understand their numbers are dwindling at the moment and they do lots of good, like eating mosquitos, for example.  But that many in a very small pond, it's just a little bit creepy.  

Being a nice mama, I squelched my qualms and caught one in a jar for the children to see at close quarters.

They decided to get close anyway, and Chickadee in particular, is most intrepid.  Numerous times I've caught her throwing a leg over those rocks to try to climb in the pond.  Having toddlers and a pond in the back yard is not the best combination.  But we've looked at many options of how to get rid of it and they are all problematic.  So for now, I am adding lifeguard duties to my other responsibilities.

Check out all the other wonderful {phfr} entries over at Like Mother Like Daughter.