Do Less

Even as I draft this post, I wonder if I will have the courage to post it.  One of my primary philosophies as a parent (and as a wife, a co-leader of this little kingdom that is my family), is that doing too many things, no matter how good each individual thing is, is detrimental to a child's ability to grow and develop, as well as to family peace and harmony, and living a family life of Godliness. It is actually one of the primary reasons I have chosen to homeschool. The thought of the amount of "things" you have to do, once you start driving your child to school in the morning (and I mean paperwork, activities, unnecessary doctor's appointments, field trips, homework!) gives me the heeby jeebies.  And that is just for ONE person, one aspect of life, school.

We live a very small life right now. We hardly ever shop. We go to vespers on Saturday evening and Liturgy on Sunday morning. We go once a week to our little homeschool group music class, with other families from our church. If we add an extra activity into one of our days, I make sure that that is the ONLY activity that day (and this includes me going to work - when I go to work, there are not other places that the kids have to go as well). Other than that, we stay home. 

This is what we DO...

I turn down most birthday party invitations.  I say yes to, and actively seek out, one on one play dates with another family (or two). I do not sign them up for sports, unless it is a short term commitment (Chickadee will do a three week long ballet class, one class/week, next month, because she has asked so persistently). My children are 5, 3 and 1. They are TINY.  There will be so much time in their lives for "doing things". Everywhere the 5 year old goes, the 3 and 1 year old must come too, let alone their pregnant mama. I am amazed already at how much pressure there is to do more (at least I perceive it as pressure, even from other homeschoolers who generally have a similar philosophy to mine); to fit in several things at once. 

Also this: they just got married. They are wearing plastic washers for rings. All Chickadee's idea.

Our church is doing a Christmas play, and my children are thrilled to be involved. They talk about going to practice all week, and they work on their lines (one sweet little line each) every day with enthusiasm. But I struggle with how much is added on to these activities.  Rehearsal starts 2 hours before vespers - first a craft, then time rehearsing, then a snack, then play time, then an hour of vespers.  And while the age range obviously goes up a bit from my 3 and 5 year old, it doesn't go up by much, most of the children are under 7. So I have difficulty appreciating with the why and wherefore of these decisions. I wonder if it comes from a perceived need to make it "enough" for the kids. Sometimes I will bring them a little late, and inevitably, we miss some key part of the practice. Sometimes we skip vespers, which seems so counterintuitive to the whole point of this thing. What I'm saying is, I struggle. 

And we definitely do a lot of this. It's the lifeblood of our homeschooling routine.

I mean no judgment or disrespect to those who organize these activities. I see a real love for the children, and a true desire to offer them participation in the deeper meaning of God becoming man, and entering our world, each year, each Nativity season. I guess we will continue to find balance in ways that we can, and I trust that it will get easier, and I will become more confident in the judgment calls I make, as a wife and mother, on how best to incorporate these things into our family life. In the meantime, prayers are my answer. And I ask for forgiveness of the families whose parties and other activities we have not attended. We were probably already doing one other thing that day.